Life After Spiritual Awakening: What No One Really Tells You

Life After Spiritual Awakening: What No One Really Tells You

There is a part in everyone’s spiritual enlightenment, awakening, and self-discovery journey that no one really tells you about. It’s almost the same feeling you get after you have children and you wonder why your mother never told you about how tiring or exhausting it can when you have to figure out what to feed your children every single day.

Quite honestly, this is the part that mentally exhausts me the most. Figuring out what the hell to make for dinner every night for the next 18+ years. More like 24+. I want my kids to stay with me for as long as possible because I honestly love them so much.

Anyone else?

But the stuff I talk about here is so much deeper than chicken nuggies and French fries. What I’m talking about is after you have woken up and come home to yourself, done all the healing work, and are sitting alone with yourself, there are a few things that happen.

Common Experiences After a Spiritual Awakening

1. There is an overwhelming sense of inner peace and calm. Urgency, rush, hurrying up, and hustling are no longer something you entertain.

2. You no longer resonate with things or people you used to enjoy.

3. You don’t know what the fuck to do with your life because the life you built before was entirely built on fear or unhealed trauma wounds of rejection or abandonment. 

4. Finding a job you don’t really enjoy or want to do. Definitely a hard pass.

5. There’s a loneliness phase and "boredom" phase. Not lonely in the sense that you are sad to be alone, in fact, you love being alone with yourself, but lonely in the sense that you haven’t fully met your kind of people yet, and bored because for most of your life you spent it either working, rescuing other people, fixing problems, trying to get ahead, proving yourself to others, explaining yourself to others, trying to change people or surviving. So thriving and being joyful, relaxed, and happy feels weird and foreign.

6. You’re exhausted as fuck. This is not the kind of exhaustion that comes with lacking sleep. In fact, it’s the bone-deep exhaustion that no good cup of coffee or energy drink can fix. This exhaustion comes for a few reasons and it does get a lot better after time, self-acceptance, and integration.  

The Real Reasons You’re So Tired After Healing

1. You’re no longer running or surviving, so your body now has time to actually rest and catch up.  The ego just wants more more more, not good enough, and to keep you living in constant motion never being pleased with what you have and never being fully connected to love or peace.  After you've come home to yourself, that part either dies off or quiets down so you can actually your life. Rest is about receiving what's yours and teaching your body it's finally safe.  

2. You’re for once giving your body what it needs instead of pushing through pain or exhaustion, nor do you feel the need to prove or explain yourself to anyone.

3. You actually feel safe enough to rest, and this can feel disorienting. Sometimes you can feel even guilty or lazy because for most of your life you might have learned that success, praise, and worth came from what you produced or how productive you were.

4. You actually deeply care about honouring what your body really needs, and this is where the true magic of self-love and self-discovery comes in. You’re no longer asking what you need to do, but rather, you’re staying true to your own needs first, and doing what makes you happy.

Healing While Parenting: Learning to Rest With Kids at Home

Let me tell you, this resting and recovering phase after an awakening or dark night of the soul can be extremely challenging when you’ve got small children at home or other responsibilities like paying the bills, but let me tell you… it’s possible, and teaching your children that it’s okay to rest, sleep, recover, honour their own needs first, and listen to their body and give it what it needs is real leadership and dare I say… the right way to do things. 

Imagine your kids coming to and telling you that they are tired and need rest.  Then Imagine telling them to get up, to stop being so lazy, to rush and get to work and just keep going full speed because they have to and that's how winning is done.  No...  A good parent would tell them to rest, listen to their body, give them a little kiss on the head, a back rub and tell them to take all the time they need and th.    The same hold true for grown adults.  Loving, caring, being a good listener, being kind, understanding, compassionate, and gentle with yourself goes a very long way.  In fact, it wins every single time. 

Letting Go of the High-Achieving Version of Yourself

For years I’d pride myself on this high-achieving, productive mom. The get up at 5am, crush a good workout and do all the things, get a full work day in before everyone else was out of bed, and let me tell you, for a season of my life that actually worked. It allowed me to survive being a mom with 3 small kids at home while running a business, but eventually that was no longer serving me or anyone else.  I had to grieve that part of me and also celebrate her. Sure, she was a lot more agile, slimmer, and looked a lot younger, but she was also run off her feet most days and never sat down and was also having anxiety attacks and felt guilty for sitting down and always had to be doing something or producing something because she felt "bad" if she didn't. Little did I know there was a bigger and deeper reason for that, and I sit here today so proud of that woman. But she is long gone now and someone new (and a lot happier and healthier) has taken her place.

Becoming Softer, Slower, and More Intentional

This version of me is a lot softer, a lot more peaceful, a lot slower, and a lot more intentional with her life, and that’s taken a while to integrate her.  This version goes with the flow. Her own flow, and yes, will usually plan things around her monthly cycle because she now honours the wisdom within and her own body.  Who knew this was even a thing? 

She sleeps a lot more and has more of a fuck it attitude because there are some days (especially during certain times of the month) where she says fuck it and spends the day reading a good book,  eating chicken nuggets in bed with ranch sauce on the side, and really just giving herself the rest, restoration, and relaxation she’s been missing out on for the past 40 years. 

But let me tell you, that part was scary because “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” used to be something I’d say often or perhaps was influenced into thinking that was super cool. No sis… "you’ll be dead if you don’t sleep" is much more of my vibe these days.  

The Lonely Lull After Awakening

Here’s the difficult part that no one really talks about. After you have gone through hell, woken up, and have discovered who you are, there is a lull in your outside world, and that can feel dull, boring, and isolating simply because what you are creating or your manifestations have taken form yet. It can be sad too, for you wonder if there are other people out there like you who have actually reclaimed their lives and are choosing to live differently or perhaps at a different pace than what is modelled in the “real world.”

Obviously there are people out there, but they are usually hard to reach with their phones on Do Not Disturb.  They aren’t on social media, they can’t be bothered with drama, politics, trends, or trending news stories, and they are probably in a quiet room alone meditating, doing yoga, enjoying a beautiful sunset, or walking in nature enjoying the peace and quiet, but here’s where the real challenge comes into play...  Being okay with "boring", and I am totally cool with that.  

Before Enlightenment, After Enlightenment: Chop Wood, Carry Water

There is that good old Zen proverb. Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. And yup, it’s really like that.

Before enlightenment you do all the basic things, but there is also a lot of fear and ego driving the mothership where you’re searching for that joy-filled, alive feeling by filling your days with things, stuff, vacations, exciting adventures, and all of the other shit one tries to do when they secretly hate their life or don’t know who they really are, and sure… that stuff might work temporarily. But eventually you realize that no amount of money, fame or recognition in the world will actually bring you real joy, inner peace, security, safety, or happiness.

The Dark Night of the Soul

Then, there’s the valley, where you’re going to face all of your darkness and inner demons and bring them to the light. You’re going to stare everything in the face, and you’re going to make all of your wrongs right and vow to never do them again.  You're going to learn a lot of things about yourself and will likely feel a lot of shame, embarrassment, and guilt too.  You'll be met face to face with all of your wounds and insecurities too.  This is the dark night of the soul, and yes… it’s very fucking dark. Dark, scary, heavy, and you’re going to cry a lot and process a lot of things you likely were too busy running from.  Fun fun!  But it does get better.  A lot better!

Finding Relief and Inner Peace

And then, there’s relief. Not relief in the sense that everything in your life is all sunshine and rainbows right away, but relief in the sense that your inner world is a lot more peaceful, loving, kind, and that you are finally at home now.  You know who you are and you're able to breathe.  You now can hear your own voice that has been lingering in the shadows for far too long being ignored by your wounded, over-productive, self-sacrificing, busy, people please self, and you've since found a new love.  Love for yourself.

Becoming the Creator of Your Life

Getting to know yourself and cultivating this relationship is a wild ride. You’re getting to know and please the real you now instead of pleasing other people first and self-sacrificing yourself.  Boundaries are installed, standards are raised, you say No a lot more, you stop over explaining yourself, you learn to protect your energy and you become very intentional about how you want to live your life. 

What does she love to do? What makes her happy? How does she want to build her life? What kind of work would really bring her joy? How much money does she want to make?  And this is the most beautiful part of transformation as you’re now in the driver’s seat with one powerful realization...

“I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul,” as William Ernest Henley wrote, and yup, there are some horrors still lingering in the shade that like to still come out and haunt you from time to time, but you now choose to live on the bright side instead… integrating both the dark and the light knowing that you have been finally set free and that everything was in fact needed and necessary for your own personal growth.

Learning How to Live Again After Awakening

This free feeling is weird at first. Sure, you still have fear or worry from time to time, but you see it for what it is. But the bigger realization is that you are the creator of your life experience, so you now choose to only think about the best and create what you truly want consciously.  

There’s also the part where you’re like a baby deer learning to walk and function again in the real world again. Your energy is different, you’re no longer aligned with certain things or people, and you still might not know exactly what to do for fun.

Fun. Yes, fun. Not just for work, or for producing an outcome, but for the simple things of enjoying your life. Like "chopping wood, and carrying water."

Finding Joy in Simple, Everyday Life

It’s funny because we often think that big flashy things in life will be what brings us the most joy. But what I have personally found is that the things that bring me the most joy are the really simple things in life like cleaning my house, cooking a simple meal at home, lighting a candle, moisturizing my face, reading a good thriller book, going for a drive and blasting some good music, binge watching Love Is Blind, Welcome to Plathville (seriously so good), The Bachelor, Selling Sunset, or sleeping in a little longer, making sure my kids’ laundry is all caught up, taking my kids to their sports or activities, cleaning my car out, sitting in meditation or doing some yin yoga, updating our wardrobes, going to Costco and stocking my fridge and finding random things I don't really need, but absolutely want, refreshing spaces in my home, getting my puppies groomed, spending a few hours at the hair salon, spa, or getting my botox done (guilty pleasure), and doing all the basic things that I once took for granted, and that is what brings me the most peace and joy.  All of these things that got pushed to the side, put on the back burner or outsourced to someone else because I was way too busy trying to get someplace new or different, or better.  Sad isn't?

Choosing a Slower, More Authentic Life

So here we are on a lazy Sunday morning.  I'm in my joggers, oversized sweatshirt, unwashed hair, a freshly moisturized face, minimal makeup, and no bra.  I just got back from taking my daughter to her private gymnastics lesson and guess what?  I actually went out in public looking like this and no one fucking died.  No one even noticed really or cared, or said anything.  Go figure right?  

I'm here just writing what’s on my heart because that’s what also brings me the most joy. No pressure to perform, nothing to prove, just me, myself, and I doing the things I love, and being the person I ultimately was created to be, and for that, I’m so beyond grateful.  The old version of me would have been all dressed up with fake lashes on and felt the need to end this on a high note or add in some teaching points because someone at a business conference told me I should do that if I want to make my work more valuable for my audience.

The new me simply will say… Fuck it. This is good enough. The end.

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Additional Reads:

Wake Up and Live - 101 Days of Deep Inner Work to Transform Your Life

Rising Higher - 101 Days of Rising Happy, Healthy and Free to Serve a Greater Good 

Personal Power - 101 Day of Relentless Action Forward

Life Worth Living - A 28-Day Guide to Inner Peace, Love, and Joy